When you hear the word "trauma," what do you think of? If you're like most people, you probably imagine that people experience the effects of trauma after a plane crash, surviving a fire, a major car accident, or participating in military combat. It's true that all of those things can cause someone to experience trauma symptoms, but there are many other traumatic experiences which are more common in the general population that we don't always recognize as being traumatic.
Read moreMy 6 Favorite Podcasts Right Now
Looking for some new podcasts to listen to?
I'm on a bit of a holiday hiatus from new episodes of Therapy Chat podcast. In the meantime, I wanted to tell you about some other podcasts I love. Here are 6 podcasts I'm listening to and recommending frequently! I hope you will check them out and please comment with your favorite podcast!
[Click here to listen to this post in podcast episode format]
Click here for all episodes of Women In Depth!
1. Women In-Depth with Dr. Lourdes Viado, MFT - I love this podcast because my friend and colleague Lourdes Viado conducts interesting and (as the name implies) in-depth interviews on topics that people don't usually talk about. Lourdes is a depth psychologist who was mentored by Jungian analyst and author Dr. James Hollis. She is so knowledgeable about her work and I love listening to her soothing voice. The podcast is fantastic and I recommend it without reservation! Some of the episodes I frequently recommend to my clients include:
Episode 10: Spiritual Abuse: What It Is & Why It Matters with Tamara Powell, LMHC
Episode 23: Understanding Spiritual Abuse (Part 2) with Tamara Powell, LMHC
Episode 14: Women and the Midlife Crisis with Diann Wingert, LCSW
Episode 21: Healing the Mother Wound with Bethany Webster
Women In-Depth covers subjects that people may consider off-limits or taboo, such as infidelity, sexual abuse, staying in an unhappy marriage, and much more. I hope you'll check it out! Let me know what you think!
I must add, Lourdes has been a guest on Therapy Chat too. I frequently tell people about her episode, which was about "The Shadow." To listen to that episode click here! I've also been a guest on her podcast.
Click on the image to listen to Mom and Mind!
2. Mom & Mind with Dr. Kat Kaeni - Dr. Kat is a clinical psychologist who specializes in maternal mental health. She is knowledgeable, skilled and experienced at helping people who are struggling with infertility, emotional health related to pregnancy - including pregnancy loss, and post-partum stress like depression, anxiety, OCD and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Her podcast is a fabulous resource offering information to pregnant and parenting moms, fathers and people who are trying to conceive as well as healthcare providers and psychotherapists. I have learned so much from Dr. Kat and her podcast and I recommend it frequently! Start out with these episodes:
Episode 1: My Postpartum Story: Anxiety and Depression
Episode 3: Resources for PPD Healing and Learning
Mom and Mind is a great resource. Stay tuned to my podcast to hear an upcoming interview with Dr. Kat. I can't wait to share her with my audience!
Click on the image to listen to all the episodes of Galactic Vibrations!
3. Galactic Vibrations with Keri Nola and Lloyd Burnett - if you've listened to my podcast you've heard Keri Nola there. She's been on twice, talking about intuition and the Shadow. I am a huge fan of both Keri and Lloyd, who are amazing energy healers and coaches. Their podcast is brand new (it came out less than a month ago) and it is a huge hit already. If you are into the "woo woo" stuff like I am, you'll enjoy hearing their energetic forecasts, oracle card readings, and so much more. Get started by listening to these three episodes:
Episode 1: Understanding & Healing the Energy of Denial
Episode 2: Using the Energy of Fear to Unlock the Mystery of Ascension
Episode 3: The Shadow of Force, the Truth of New Years Resolutions, and People Pleasing
I've done coaching for business and personal growth with both Keri and Lloyd. They're great at what they do! And as I mentioned, Keri has been on my podcast. She talked about using intuition in therapy in Episode 11, back when my podcast was called The Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast. And she contributed to my series of episodes on the Shadow (after Lourdes's episode, mentioned above) in Episode 42.
Click on the image to listen to Launching Your Daughter!
4. Launching Your Daughter with Nicole Burgess, LMFT - My friend and colleague Nicole Burgess, LMFT, practices in Indianapolis, Indiana with a focus on teen girls and women. Nicole is super passionate about her work and it comes through when you listen to her podcast.
She has been kind enough to have me on her podcast twice! Once I talked about The Daring Way™ and the second time was about helping your daughter (or son) if they experience sexual violence. Nicole's podcast covers a wide variety of topics related to the issues of parenting girls.
Here's a sampling of some of her episodes that I've enjoyed:
Episode 34: How Art Therapy Can Be Effective With Teens
Episode 33: How to Create Healthy Boundaries In Your Family
Episode 31: Ways Parents & Teens Can Receive Support Around Suicide Prevention
I hope you'll enjoy listening to Launching Your Daughter as much as I do.
These last two podcasts are super amazing ones for therapists who are building private practices. Both of the podcasters are my buddies - they've both helped me in tons of different ways and if you're a therapist you probably already know of them. If not - prepare to have your mind blown!
Click on the image to listen to Selling the Couch!
5. Selling The Couch with Dr. Melvin Varghese - Melvin is an awesome psychologist in Philadelphia who wanted to start his own private practice so like any good student, he set out to learn from people who have already done it. Melvin has interviewed dozens upon dozens of therapists and other experts in practice-building to learn how they have managed to build successful private practices and other types of businesses. Melvin has interviewed experts on marketing, multiple income streams, running groups, building websites, creating Psychology Today profiles, writing books, mindset shifts, and so much more. He's had over 100 episodes so far and his podcast is listed in the top 100 business podcasts on iTunes, which is a pretty significant accomplishment! I'm super excited for Melvin as he's now building his private practice, following all that great advice he's received, and I know he will help many people! Here are a few of his most recent episodes. There are so many - if you're a therapist trying to build your private practice I recommend you listen to every episode - but here are a few to get you started:
Episode 93: How Comparison Can Steal Your Joy
Episode 92: My Morning Routine & Productivity
Episode 85: Saying No As a Private Practice Owner
Melvin was on my podcast talking about how therapists can use podcasting to grow their practices. He knows his stuff. He taught me pretty much everything I know about podcasting. Podcasting has enriched my life in so many ways and it's mainly Melvin who I have to thank for it. Here's Episode 49 of Therapy Chat with Melvin Varghese.
Click on the image to listen to the Blissful Practice Podcast!
6. Blissful Practice Podcast with Dr. Agnes Wainman - this is another brand new podcast. Disclaimer - I was the first guest on this podcast. But I don't love it only because I've been on it. Agnes is a psychologist in Ontario, Canada who has learned the hard way how to create a private practice that feels blissful. She spent time at the other end of that spectrum, feeling burned out, and she wants to help therapists who are building private practices find their own bliss. On her podcast, Agnes talks to therapists about their journeys to private practice. I love her perspective and I think you'll love her podcast. Check it out here:
Episode 3: Why I Became A Therapist
Episode 2: Networking Guru Allison Salmon Puryear
Episode 1: Therapists Can Change the World: A Discussion with Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Agnes was one of my early guests on Therapy Chat (back when it wasn't called that). Check out our interview here!
Click here to listen to Therapy Chat!
So now you have my list of 6 podcasts I'm loving right now. When you have downtime this holiday season, check them out! I am sure you'll find at least one that you really love.
Of course, you're always welcome to listen to Therapy Chat, there are 64 episodes counting the podcast version of this blog post, and I would love for you to listen, subscribe and leave a rating and review!
If you want to read more of what I write, follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. You can also visit iTunes to subscribe to Therapy Chat. There you'll hear me talking about what I talk about and interviewing other people about what I'm interested to discuss. Or you can listen to Therapy Chat on my website, or on iHeartRadio, Stitcher or Google Play.
If you're in Maryland, and you want therapy to explore the vulnerable parts of yourself that are in need of healing, check out my website. Therapists can learn about my Trauma Therapist Community by clicking here.
You can also call me at 443-510-1048 or e-mail me at laura@laurareaganlcswc.com. I look forward to connecting! In the meantime, take care and I hope you enjoy the holidays!
Warmly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Episode 33: Worthiness, Perfectionism & Self Compassion
Therapy Chat Podcast Episode 33:
Worthiness, Perfectionism & Self Compassion
Hitting My Growth Edge
Click on the image to hear podcast episode 33!
Once in a while an experience comes along which is just beyond what you ever imagined. It’s like you never really dreamed things would get this good. I don’t know if everyone has a growth ceiling, but I think most of us do. It’s the point that is the highest you thought you’d ever go in your life. It might be that you thoughtyou’d one day get married, but you hit your growth ceiling when you make plans to marry someone so wonderful, who seems so much better than the partner you thought you’d end up with. This can cause a lot of anxiety, because we are going past what our expectations were for ourselves. Another example – maybe you hoped you’d become a doctor, but you didn’t expect to attain the position of CEO of a huge medical organization.
Maybe you always fantasized about being a musician but you weren’t expecting to be invited to write all the songs for the next Broadway hit. For me, I always hoped to become a therapist (and there were many times I doubted I’d achieve that goal). I even thought one day I might go into private practice. I never imagined having a thriving full time private practice where I’d love going to work with the clients I most enjoy serving. I never expected to have a podcast and when I did begin podcasting I surely didn’t think I’d have the chance to interview so many wonderful guests. I really never even dreamed I’d be able to interview someone like Dr. Dan Siegel. I’d admired Dan Siegel’s work on the neuroscience of attachment for about 6 years when I made a contact who facilitated my opportunity to interview him. It was then that my feelings of scarcity began to show up and loudly make themselves known.
Scarcity Rears Its Ugly Head
As soon as I heard the news that Dan Siegel had agreed to be interviewed I was elated. I was literally screaming and jumping up and down. Yes, it was that big of a deal to me! It only took about a day for me to begin wondering what was going to happen to prevent this from happening because I knew it must be too good to be true. In Brené Brown’s work, she calls this “foreboding joy.” She talks about when she was on the plane to go be interviewed for the first time by Oprah and she was super excited, but a delay was announced. Immediately she realized the plane was likely to crash and she would never have her moment with Oprah. Every time the foreboding crept in as the day of my Dan Siegel interview drew closer, I reminded myself of that story.
Kristin Neff's Three Elements of Self Compassion
When thoughts of “who am I to think I, a humble podcaster, am going to interview someone like Dan Siegel, a world famous expert on attachment, neuroscience and mindfulness?” crept into my head, I reminded myself of Brené Brown on her way to Oprah and told myself to stay in the moment. Just feel how excited I am, and stay with that. I’m a podcaster, and I have a platform to ask Dan Siegel some questions. There’s no reason the Universe (God, Source, whatever spiritual being fits for you) would think I don’t “deserve” to interview him. In fact, the Universe doesn’t think Dan Siegel is more worthy as a human being than I am, because to the Universe, we are all equally worthy. Here I used the three elements of Self Compassion identified by Dr. Kristin Neff: self kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
Worthiness and Shame
Even as I used self compassion and mindfulness to help me remember that it’s okay to feel really excited about the amazing opportunity to interview someone I respect so highly on Therapy Chat, I struggled with scarcity. Here’s how I knew I was operating from a place of scarcity:
I didn’t want to tell my podcasting friends I was interviewing Dan Siegel. Why? I was secretly afraid it wouldn’t happen. I was secretly afraid they would snag him before me. I was secretly afraid something would happen to make them all see that I’m a fraud and a phony, and that I was a fool to think I could ever interview someone like that. I told a few trusted friends (only one was a podcaster – this person has a totally different podcast focus) and family. I’m hiding this exciting news like I’ve got a shameful secret. In truth I really doubted I was worthy. I was so starstruck! It was kind of ridiculous, looking back. For all of his accomplishments, Dan Siegel is just a person. A brilliant person, but still just a person.
So the day finally came. It was my big moment. I have never been so prepared. I checked and double checked everything. I made sure I didn’t schedule anything else that day except for dinner out with good friends and my husband afterwards. We had the interview. It was incredible. I felt like I was floating, I was so happy to be able to interview Dan Siegel. It was a fascinating conversation and when it was over I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. I immediately checked the recording to make sure everything was okay.
Here’s where things get ugly. Everything wasn’t okay. When I listened to the recording, I only heard my voice. There was no Dan Siegel voice. I actually wondered whether I had hallucinated the whole thing. If so, I knew I was really losing it. I tried several things to see if I could get his voice to come up, and I couldn’t. I called a podcasting friend, Christy, to see if she could help me. She kindly and generously spent an hour on the phone with me trying everything to fix the recording. She never shamed me or made me feel stupid. But it was all for naught. It turned out I had a bad version of the recording software many of us use, and I never knew because before that day it had always worked great. Apparently after an update there was a compatibility issue with Skype, which I use to conduct my interviews.
How Self Compassion Saved Me!
But this is the crazy part. I wasn’t freaking out. After all that buildup, to find out the episode didn’t record, I would normally have gone into a shame spiral. I would have been so embarrassed, thinking, “I knew I was crazy to think this was going to happen for me!” I would have felt like I didn’t want anyone to know what happened. I would have wanted to hide. But I didn’t feel that way. Even though it didn’t record, the thoughts and feelings that made up about 95% of my conscious awareness were: wow, I just had such an amazing discussion with Dan Siegel. How lucky am I that I got to have that beautiful conversation. I even thought, “how can I be upset? I just got to spend an hour having a personal conversation with Dan Siegel that I will never forget, and I’m considering the nature of consciousness and the Universe...” Of course, I immediately reached out to his assistant, apologetically explaining there was a technology failure, and requesting to re-record if possible. In the past I would have been so afraid to let him know everything got screwed up and his time was wasted. But basically I felt that I hoped he would agree to re-record, and if he didn’t, then it would be okay. Not because I didn’t care, but because I was at peace. I can only attribute this sense of calm belief that everything would be okay to my self compassion practice.
I’m not going to pretend that I have this Zen lifestyle in which I meditate daily for an hour and nothing rattles me. But I have been practicing self compassion, through regular meditation, since September 2014 when I learned about it at Brené Brown’s Daring Way™ training. If you’re interested in doing this (developing a self compassion practice), you can find free Self Compassion guided meditations on Kristin Neff’s website, www.selfcompassion.org. I also highly recommend her book, Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
My self compassion practice saved me. After all of this, I had sent the e-mail to Dan Siegel’s assistant and then I went out to dinner with my husband and our friends, a therapist and her husband, a college professor. I told them all what happened and I wasn’t that horrified. Don’t get me wrong. I felt bad that Dan Siegel’s time was wasted. But other than that I was still feeling gratitude and some disbelief that I had such an amazing conversation with him. I just couldn’t find myself feeling devastated. And I didn’t want to hide. I wasn’t ashamed. I wasn’t blaming myself. This is different. The perfectionist in me would have fallen apart 2 years ago. It was incredible to observe myself and the difference my self compassion practice has made in my life, and I felt so grateful for that change! What a better way to feel.
My sense of worthiness remained intact; I told all of my friends who knew about it what happened. People were shocked, horrified, several friends said they had tears in their eyes imaging how they’d feel if that happened to them. They felt humiliated and ashamed for me! But I told them they didn’t need to worry about it, because I was okay. And late that evening I received a very kind and non-shaming e-mail from Dan Siegel’s assistant saying that they were sorry to hear about the technology failure and he was willing to re-record. I was so grateful, and I can’t wait for you to hear our interview in Episode 34, which will air next week. I even mentioned to Dan Siegel how I felt about it and how mindfulness helped when we re-recorded. I would never have been able to say that to him if I were operating from a place of shame – I would have hoped he’d forgotten and be afraid to mention it. It’d be the elephant in the room. You’ll hear how he reacted in Episode 34.
So that’s my story. I can’t recommend self compassion practice enough. It has truly changed my life, and this experience proved that to me. Please check out Episode 34 and if you like Therapy Chat, visit iTunes to leave a rating and review, download episodes and subscribe so you can hear the latest episodes as soon as they’re released. Thanks for listening!
You can also listen on Stitcher and Google Play (available now!). And for more of what I'm doing, please sign up for my newsletter. You can also sign up for information on my Daring Way™ offerings and other groups and workshops; sign up to receive the latest episodes of Therapy Chat when they're released; sign up to receive my latest blog posts when they are posted, and follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram & Google+. If you're a trauma therapist you may be interested in my new Trauma Therapist Community, forming now. Click here for the info. I look forward to connecting!
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Therapy Chat Podcast Episode 25: What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect?
CLICK ON THE IMAGE ABOVE TO LISTEN TO EPISODE 25 OF THERAPY CHAT!
Welcome! My guest for Episode 25 of Therapy Chat is Dr. Jonice Webb, a clinical psychologist and blogger for Psych Central. She’s the author of the book, Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. We’ll delve into this topic and its impact in our society today. Listen to Episode 25 by clicking here or on the image at right.
What you’ll hear in this episode:
The definition of Childhood Emotional Neglect: a parent’s failure to respond enough to the child’s emotional needs
This is different from physical neglect and abuse.
In her private practice, Dr. Webb kept seeing clients with the same patterns.
She has identified 12 different types of parenting styles that lead to Childhood Emotional Neglect.
Children who experience may grow into parents with the same communication patternsif CEN isn't identified and addressed.
Dr. Webb has developed a questionnaire, designed for adults, to determine if you’ve been affected by this CEN.
Her book gives case examples of parent-child dynamics leading to CEN.
She explains how to overcome CEN.
Dr. Webb wants to put together CEU trainings for therapists who want to work with this specialty, but first, she wants to complete a research project to compile results.
She has a special offer for therapists working with clients who struggle due to Childhood Emotional Neglect. Listen in to hear it!
Contact Dr. Webb at www.emotionalneglect.com or email her at jwebbphd@rcn.com. Sign up for her newsletter on her website and check out her blog at Psych Central!
It was great hearing Dr. Webb share her knowledge about Childhood Emotional Neglect! If you liked this episode, please visit iTunes to download episodes, rate and review! You can also listen on Stitcher and Google Play (available now in some areas). And for more of what I'm doing, please sign up for my newsletter, and follow me Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram & Google+. If you're a trauma therapist you may be interested in my new Trauma Therapist Community, forming now. Click here for the info. I look forward to connecting!
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Therapy Chat Podcast Episode 24: Vicarious Trauma
Therapy Chat Podcast Episode 24: Vicarious Trauma
Welcome! Today’s topic is one that’s important to therapy professionals and to first responders, too - for anyone who works with people who are suffering, Vicarious Trauma is important. I just attended a workshop on this topic by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky, the author of Trauma Stewardship.
Here’s what you’ll hear in this episode:
The terms Vicarious Trauma and Secondary Traumatic Stress are interchangeable as I'm using them here.
Therapists bear witness to the traumatic stories of clients and are affected by them.
The nature of therapy work requires empathy; it’s honorable, brave, and important work intended to make the world a better place.
There are small ways to lessen the impact of trauma, by mindfully checking in with yourself and using positive coping methods.
As a therapist, how much are you “numbing?” We discuss examples.
Laura recommends spending 12-60 minutes each day, for six days a week, working out to the degree of breaking a sweat.
We owe it to the people we help to take care of our Vicarious Trauma, and regular exercise is one way to do that.
Isolation is common in trauma work, because we feel like “nobody understands.”
The American Counseling Association lists several signs of Vicarious Trauma, including:
Having difficulty talking about feelings
Feeling diminished joy
Feeling trapped by work
Limited range of emotions
Exaggerated startle reflex
Hopelessness
Trouble sleeping
Exhaustion
Conflict with other staff
Trouble with intimacy
Feeling withdrawn and isolated
Impatience, apathy
A change in worldview
What can you do to make a difference?
Have a mindful presence
Exercise (12-60 min. several days each week)
Cultivate connection with yourself and others
Enrich your life by doing things you love, apart from work
Make meaning
Resources:
ACA Fact Sheet on Vicarious Trauma
Trauma Stewardship by Laura Van Dernoot Lipsky
I also shared information on my new community for trauma therapists! Registration begins soon and if you want to be notified when registration starts, you can sign up here!
If you liked this episode, please visit iTunes to download episodes, rate and review! You can also listen on Stitcher and Google Play (available now in some areas). And for more of what I'm doing, please sign up for my newsletter, and follow me Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram & Google+. I look forward to connecting!
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
The Parent Coach Who Doesn't Have It All Figured Out
My Podcast Interview with Washington Post Parenting Expert Meghan Leahy
Meghan Leahy is a parenting expert who writes a weekly column for the Washington Post. She's a parent coach helping parents who are overwhelmed with their children's behavior. Yet she is the first to admit that she gets overwhelmed with her children's behavior too. Does this seem counterintuitive? Not if you talk to Meghan.
Meghan states that her job is not to tell parents what to do. Her job is to teach parents what their children need She teaches that the problematic behavior is the child's developmentally appropriate way of telling the parent what he or she needs.
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO PODCAST EPISODE 20 OF THE BALTIMORE ANNAPOLIS PSYCHOTHERAPY PODCAST!
Listen in to this fascinating interview in which Meghan shares why she doesn't tell parents what to do, why self care is important - hint: it's NOT so we can take better care of our kids! - and tells us about the theory informing her work.
Find out more about working with Meghan by visiting her website!
And if you like the podcast, please visit iTunes and download episodes, subscribe and leave a rating and review.
You can also find the podcast on Stitcher, Google Play and on my website at www.laurareaganlcswc.com/podcast.
I'd love to hear your comments on this episode! Comment below!
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Can Therapists Really Change The World?
Can therapists really change the world? Dr. Steven Brownlow says yes, if we get out of our own way.
On Episode 18 of the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast I was privileged to have the opportunity to speak with someone who is sharp, self deprecating, and so dedicated to the field of psychology. My guest, Steven Brownlow, PhD, developed ADEPT Psychology and he graciously agreed to explain to me what it is, how he came up with it, and how it helps psychotherapists and clients. Listen in for a fascinating conversation about how Dr. Brownlow developed his theory and how he coaches therapists in use of self in their work with clients.
In our interview, you’ll hear a discussion of how emotions are built on the stress system of the body and why traumatic or deeply painful experiences in which we’re unable to regulate our emotions make us feel stuck. Dr. Brownlow describes the process by which micro-ruptures in relationship with caregivers can lead to a child’s belief that he or she is unworthy of love and how that affects our relationships over the lifespan.
He talks about why, as a therapist, you can’t take people where you haven’t been yourself. He explains how therapists can change the world and explains research findings on what makes a great therapist. You’ll learn about emotional processing in a way you never did in school.
Dr. Brownlow discusses how he teaches therapists to use ADEPT Psychology to get out of their own way, and to get out of their clients’ way to deliver services effectively addressing the reason clients really show up in our offices.
Therapists who want to know more can visit Steven Brownlow, PhD’s website: www.adeptpsychology.com and find out how you can start showing up differently in your work with clients.
I hope you enjoy listening to my interview with Dr. Steven Brownlow about ADEPT Psychology. Please visit iTunes to download episodes, subscribe, and leave an honest rating and review!
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW TO LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST EPISODE!
CLICK ON THE IMAGE ABOVE TO LISTEN TO MY PODCAST INTERVIEW WITH DR. STEVEN BROWNLOW!
9 Things I'll be Talking About in 2016: What to Expect on the Podcast In the Year Ahead
At the end of the year we tend to take stock and notice themes. In the beginning of the year we tend to plan and look ahead. So I've taken stock and looked ahead. CLICK HERE OR ON THE IMAGE BELOW TO LISTEN TO PODCAST EPISODE #17!
Over the past year there have been certain themes that have been really prevalent in my practice and because of that I want to talk about them more on the podcast in the year ahead. There are several big issues - I actually made a list - and came up with the nine things that have been common themes in my practice this year and I feel will be important to discuss on the podcast in 2016.
The first theme that’s really been prevalent in my practice is body image. Men, women and children in my practice talk about wanting to have a more loving relationship with their bodies. As you may know, most people I work with have experienced trauma. I think there is a link between healing trauma and having a loving relationship with one’s body, because we know trauma is stored in the body.
A second theme which has been really prevalent in my practice over the past year is craving deep, meaningful and authentic connection. I live in a wonderful community where people tend to gather with neighbors and friends and people are very kind, but relationships tend to stay at a surface level rather than delving into feelings. People say they wish for friendships in which they feel truly seen and heard. I will discuss this more on the podcast in 2016.
Along with the theme of craving connection there’s also a theme of allowing connection. The problem is not feeling comfortable letting people in - and again, I work with a lot of people who have experienced trauma, so trust is often a major issue. When you’ve experienced relational trauma somebody has hurt you and it gives you a different perspective on whether or not it’s okay to trust people. So naturally, allowing people to really know you - showing up and being seen as who you really are - can be a challenge for people who have experienced trauma and that’ll be something I’ll be talking about more in the year ahead.
CLICK ON THE IMAGE ABOVE TO LISTEN TO PODCAST EPISODE 17!
The next theme I identified that I want to talk about is workaholism and perfectionism. Here in the DC/Baltimore area we are working, working, working, working, working, working, doing, doing, doing, never wanting to slow down. It never seems like enough. It can be really hard to make time for oneself - including for therapy appointments - if you feel that without you at work something is going to fall apart. Another theme that goes along with that is being distracted, avoiding, numbing, dissociating, being disconnected from your body. Again, that goes along with trauma too so I’m going to be talking about that more.
When you are avoiding your feelings by numbing, staying busy with work, never giving yourself a moment to be still, you’re not in present moment awareness and you are, as I like to say, on the fast train to burnout city. People are expressing feelings of being burned out - on work, on caregiving, on parenting - all of those things can be very stressful! So it makes sense that you would feel burned out, especially if you never give yourself a chance to rest. And our culture does not encourage that! Wanting to increase self-care but not knowing how is a big theme that I’ve been talking about with people in my practice and I want to talk about more on the podcast. Actually, it’s a pretty consistent theme on my podcasts so far and it will be in the year to come as well.
One thing that I want to change about the podcast this year is that even though I talk about the fact that I’m a trauma therapist I don’t think I really talk very much about trauma on the podcast. I guess I just expect that people really know what it is but I’m realizing that when I say trauma you may be thinking of someone who has experienced a house fire, natural disasters or combat. Those are certainly traumatic event but I’m also talking about childhood experiences of no one attending to your emotional needs or being physically abused.
Many people don’t consider some experiences that they may have had as physical abuse even though they may qualify, like being hit with a hairbrush, being slapped, punched, spanked with a belt...whether or not it would be something that a court would prosecute a parent for doing when you were younger (because it may have been seen as normal then), the effect is traumatic for child. I think there’s an under-recognition of how serious the problem of trauma is, how much it affects so many of us. I will be talking a lot more about the effects of childhood trauma, the Adverse Childhood Experiences study, and things that I talk about in therapy sessions but I haven’t mentioned much here on the podcast.
The last theme that I want to cover on the podcast more in 2016 is negotiating relationships with family of origin when one has had an unhappy childhood. It’s a problem for so many people and one that people don’t frequently speak about. We have this American cultural ideal that families are always there for each other, families come first, etcetera. But if you had an abusive childhood and you are uncomfortable being around your family, where do you fit into our American cultural ideal if that’s your life? It’s true for so many people. We’ll be talking more about that in the podcast this year.
So these are the themes that I’ve heard about in my practice over the past year and want to talk about more in the podcast in the coming year. I would love to hear your thoughts about these topics and any other themes that you may be interested in hearing covered on the podcast so please leave comments on this post!
I would love to hear your feedback! If you like the podcast, please consider subscribing on iTunes and leaving a rating and review. This helps iTunes know that people are enjoying the podcast and it makes it easier for people to find it when there’re more ratings and reviews and subscriptions because that’s how they decide how popular it is.
As always, if you like what I'm doing, please find me on social media! You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Google+. To listen to my podcast, search the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast on iTunes, Stitcher and (coming soon) Google Play. Or click here to listen via my website. You can also subscribe to my occasional e-mail newsletter by clicking here. I only publish them when I have something new to tell you about.
Here's to an interesting 2016!
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
What is Perfectionism & Why Should I Care?
Perfectionism - What is it? Why should I Care?
We all know them. People who have it all. They drive expensive cars , live in large, beautiful houses in the best communities and have lucrative, prestigious jobs.
They volunteer in the community, drive the carpool, bring just the right dish to the neighborhood gathering and casually deliver a hand-made hostess gift which strikes just the right note - and look gorgeous doing it. They make tons of money, their houses are decorated just so and beautifully landscaped. They're attractive, smart, fun, and everyone envies their perfect marriages. Their kids are cute, smart, athletically gifted and well-behaved, with excellent grades and participation in many extra-curriculars (they excel in all of them). They're the people everyone wants to be around. Many of us wish for such perfect lives. So who are these amazing specimens of humanity, these superachieving individuals who walk among us?
Well, around here we just call them our neighbors, colleagues and friends. I live in a community in which it seems that everyone is super-human. Everyone is outstanding, the best of the best. High schoolers with 4.5 GPAs (on a scale of 0-4.0) worry that they won't be accepted to the colleges of their choice. We must be thin, beautiful, smart, athletic and likable. There is so much focus on being the best that many people struggle with anxiety and depression, eating disorders and suicidal thoughts. If you're a highly intelligent person who also happens to be a gifted athlete you should stand out - but there are so many highly intelligent gifted athletes here that it creates this intense push to rise to the top of a group of people who are the cream of the crop. And for those who have any learning issues, or those who are not athletic or even - gasp! - don't like sports, it can feel like there's something wrong with you.
In fact, oddly, even those who are the cream of the cream of the crop seem to feel something is missing. They always try their best but it still doesn't seem good enough. Does our community put too much pressure on all of us to achieve? Are we the ones putting pressure on ourselves? When you have it all and you still feel like it's not enough, you may be a perfectionist. In fact, those of us who have loving families and a safe place to live already have everything that matters, so why are we constantly striving and striving for more, more, more? Not necessarily striving for material things, but working so hard, always doing, never pausing to pat ourselves on the back and appreciate just how great our lives really are?
CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO LISTEN TO THE PODCAST EPISODE ON BRENE BROWN'S GUIDEPOSTS FOR WHOLEHEARTED LIVING!
If any of this resonates with you, listen to Episode 7 of the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast. In it, I talk about Brené Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection. I recommend this book to so many of my clients. It helped me understand how perfectionism was holding me back in my own life, and what can be done about it.
One of the problems with perfectionism is that is prevents us from truly enjoying life. Instead of living in the present moment, appreciating being alive, we are looking outside of ourselves, comparing ourselves to our friends and neighbors and imagining that their lives are so much better than ours. While we are striving to compete and be the best, we are presenting an image to the outside world which isn't authentic because we don't want anyone to know how small we feel. And it gets in the way of having deep, meaningful relationships with others because there is so much focus on pretending to be fine.
For more on this subject, check out my upcoming workshops, learn more about The Daring Way™, or contact me about working together in individual therapy, clinical supervision and consultation or schedule a burnout prevention consult! And if you'd like to hear more from me you can sign up for my occasional newsletter! I don’t send them out unless I have something I want you to know, and you can unsubscribe any time you want. You can also follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Google+. To listen to my podcast, search the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast on iTunes, Stitcher and (coming soon) Google Play. Or click here to listen via my website.
What did you think of this Podcast Episode 7? I'd love to hear your comments! You can also rate and review the podcast on iTunes by clicking here. If you like it, please consider subscribing!
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Connecting With Your Own Needs: Vulnerability in Action
Connecting With Your Own Needs: Vulnerability in Action An Interview with Dr. Agnes Wainman, the Self Care Activist
Recently I was fortunate that Dr. Agnes Wainman of London Psychological Services in Ontario, Canada - also known as The Self Care Activist - allowed me to interview her about self care for The Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast.
Agnes and I had an interesting (and funny, in my opinion) interview in which we discussed society's unreasonable, unrealistic and unattainable expectations of women which encourage us to neglect our own needs and see self care as indulgent. We talked about how social media can make our relationships with our children, our partners, our friends and ourselves more difficult than they need to be. Agnes shared her own journey from "burned out to blissed out" as a mother of newborn twins and doctoral student and the lessons she learned about vulnerability and authentic connection. She shocked me by telling me what Canada does to support new mothers!
CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO LISTEN TO PODCAST EPISODE #16 WITH DR. AGNES WAINMAN
Click on the image to listen to Episode 16 of the podcast and if you'd like to hear more of what Agnes has to say, check out her website: www.londonps.ca or visit her YouTube channel where she shares tips and tricks to incorporate self care into your life.
What did you think of this episode? I'd love to hear your comments! You can also rate and review the podcast on iTunes by clicking here. And if you'd like to hear more from me you can sign up for my occasional newsletter! I don’t send them out unless I have something I want you to know, and you can unsubscribe any time you want. You can also follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Google+. To listen to my weekly podcast, search the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast on iTunes, Stitcher and (coming soon) Google Play. Or click here to listen via my website.
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Intuition in the Therapeutic Process: My Interview With Psychotherapist & Coach Keri Nola
An Interview with Intuitive Healer, Coach, Author and Psychotherapist Keri Nola
Earlier this year I had the privilege of interviewing someone I admire quite a bit, intuitive healer, coach, psychotherapist and author Keri Nola. I held this interview back for a while because I wanted to improve the sound on our recorded call, but I finally decided to let go of my perfectionism and share the interview with you. You can listen by clicking on The Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast image to the right.
In our interview, Keri shares her wisdom gleaned from over ten years of working with clients who have experienced trauma, building a successful practice and having painful experiences of her own. Read more about Keri below the image.
Keri Nola speaks openly from the heart about how she uses intuition and models self care in her practice with clients. Keri has taught me so much about showing up more authentically in my therapy practice. Whether you're a therapist or someone who is interested in different ways that therapists can practice, I hope you'll learn something from my interview with Keri. Listen to our interview and please share your comments!
For more of what Keri is doing, you can visit her website: www.kerinola.com! There you can request to join her Facebook group for therapists and healers as well.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast. Please visit iTunes to subscribe, download episodes and leave a review. I'd love to know what you think!
Here's where you can find more of what I'm doing:
Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Google +. You can listen to my podcast here and sign up for my e-mail newsletter here. To speak to me about my services, call me at (443) 510-1048 or send me an e-mail to laura@laurareaganlcswc.com. You can also visit my website to send me a message or view available appointments.
Wholeheartedly, Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Your Relationship Is Ending - Do You Know Your Rights?
Your Relationship Is Ending - Do You Know Your Rights?
My Interview With Evan Koslow, Esquire, Maryland Family Law Attorney
Earlier this year I was lucky to score an interview with my colleague, Evan Koslow of Koslow Law Firm in Annapolis, Maryland. Evan is one of those people who is so kind and caring that he makes people feel more comfortable while they are involved in stressful life transitions, such as being involved with the courts for separation, divorce and custody. I'm honored that he allowed me to interview him for the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast.
Our conversation was focused on the ways a family law attorney can help someone know their rights when ending a relationship, whether marriage or the end of a relationship between two people who have children together. Evan is both an attorney and a mediator, so he is able to help people with legal representation or mediation (but not both). He explains this in more detail in the podcast interview, which you can hear by clicking on the image below.
Click to listen to my interview with Family Law Attorney Evan Koslow on the Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast!
In our interview Evan explains some considerations which are specific to same-sex relationships. Those of you who live outside of our state may not know that Maryland voters approved same-sex marriage in 2012, before the Supreme Court's decision this year which made it legal throughout the U.S. This interview was recorded before that historic decision.
One of the things I appreciate about Evan is that he understands how painful legal action to end relationships can be for everyone involved. Children can be particularly affected. I know from my former job as a paralegal and in my experience as a psychotherapist that emotions run high when families are going through divorce or custody proceedings. Evan's perspective is that it is best for all involved to amicably resolve these cases if it is possible to do so. Of course, he will go to court and advocate for his client's rights when needed, but he knows how much more stressful that can be for all parties.
If you'd like to get in touch with Evan to talk about your Maryland family law case, his website is: www.koslowlawfirm.com. You will find all of his contact information there including his phone number, e-mail and where to find him on social media.
If you're dealing with the pain of a relationship ending, therapy can be helpful. I can help you work through your feelings in this painful time. Feel free to contact me at laura@laurareaganlcswc.com or by phone at (443) 510-1048. I'm also on social media on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and Google +. You can listen to my podcast here and sign up for my e-mail newsletter here.
How The Daring Way™ Helped Me & How It Can Help You Too!
How The Daring Way™ Helped Me & How It Can Help You Too!
Today I'm sharing my most recent episode of The Baltimore Annapolis Psychotherapy Podcast, about how making the decision to attend The Daring Way™ training changed my life. I hope you will find it interesting!
If you haven't heard, bestselling author and thought leader Brené Brown, someone whose work I follow closely, published a new book last week. It's called Rising Strong, and I highly recommend reading it. For more information on the book from Amazon click here (non-affiliate link).
If you've read my blog or listened to previous episodes of my podcast, you realize that Brené Brown's books and teachings have been deeply impactful in my life and my work. In this episode of the podcast, I talk about how I made the decision to become a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator (best decision of my professional life! - so far anyway), what it was like to learn The Daring Way™ model experientially and two specific changes in the way I handle my emotions which came about as a direct result of the experience. This work has been transformative in the way I show up in my personal life and in my work with clients.
I happened upon the training by chance as I was seeking ways to dig deeper after watching Brené Brown's TED Talks on vulnerability and shame and reading her books. I recorded this episode to let you know about how working with a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator can take you deeper along the journey to wholehearted living.
Certified Daring Way™ Facilitators (CDWFs) are around the U.S. and in international locations as well. You can find someone who brings a particular flavor to his/her work using this curriculum that resonates well with you. Look at the list of upcoming groups, workshops and intensive weekends by visiting The Daring Way™ website, and there is also an option to find a CDWF in your area. Here in Maryland, I have two opportunities coming up in the near future.
I'm offering a One Day Introduction to The Daring Way™ workshop on Friday, September 18, 2015 and I have a weekend intensive retreat for a small group of up to 6 women scheduled for October 2-4, 2015. Space is still available in both events and more information is available here. If you're reading this after October, 2015, you can still find information on my website about what's ahead. I'm planning some beautiful retreats in 2016 and all information will be posted on my site. I'm also super excited that the new Rising Strong™ curriculum will invite new inquiry into our stories and ways to apply Brené Brown's teaching to our lives.
Contact me if you'd like to discuss working together. There are many ways to get in touch with me, including via e-mail at laura@laurareaganlcswc.com; by phone at (443) 510-1048; or through my website: www.laurareaganlcswc.com. You can also follow me on social media using Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Google+ and Facebook. Please listen, subscribe and post honest reviews of the podcast on iTunes! I'd love to hear from you in the comments as well.
Wholeheartedly,
Laura Reagan, LCSW-C
Click on the image to listen to the podcast episode!